seven days of misery
by iEATfood
Summary: cosmo has seven days to prove that he's not an idiot, unfortunatly he is, a story of unexpected allies,weirdos and cheese!
1. the trail

(a/n)This is technically my first fic so please review, it's about Cosmo, and anti-Cosmo, but he'll appear later

Disclaimer: fop belongs to butch Hartman,

The sign "welcome to fairy world" lay in ruins, the usually white and fluffy ground a dreary shade of grey with scorch marks all over it, the sky over the once happy land was a dark angry shade of red, fairy world was a wreck, what could have done this? Who could've caused this terrible calamity? What evil would destroy so ruthlessly! So cold-heartedly? What in the world could be this devastating?

"COSMO!" said Jorgen "your blundering blunder-headedness has caused the near-destruction of fairy world! What do you have to say for your self?"

"Uuuuuummmm….oops?"

Jorgen sat at the judge's table his wand glowing a fearful red, a trial was being held in what was left of the courthouse, Cosmo versus the rest of fairydom, Cosmo was the cause of earlier mentioned destruction, not because of any bitterness or love of wanton destruction, but you see, Cosmo was stupid, in fact Cosmo wasn't just stupid, he was VERY stupid, even eggplants, who weren't known as the smartest of vegetables, had a higher IQ than him.

Cosmo grinned nervously at the gathering fairy folk, most of them glared back, only Wanda, his wife, and Timmy, his fairy godchild, didn't glower at him in hate, everybody was mad at him! Even his mom, who usually showered him with attention, acted like she didn't know him! This was bad this was real bad!

"Cosmo!" bellowed judge Jorgen, _judge Jorgen heh heh sounds funny_ (Cosmo giggled) "I find you GUILTY!" _not funny! _(Cosmo frowned)

"Um s-sir? You haven't asked th-the jury's opinion yet, um…. DON'T HURT ME!" said random fairy 1 also known as binky who was working as a jury for today.

"Was I supposed to?" growled Jorgen

"AAK! Yea .I mean, er, not if you don't want to, they do it all the time on TV otherwise the jury will be useless"

"I HATE FAIRIES BEING USELESS! So? Is he guilty?"

"Erm yup definitely guilty!"

the rest of the jury nervously agreed

"I object!" Wanda stood up "it's not Cosmo's fault he's an idiot"

"Yes, but this time we cannot ignore the amount of damage his stupidity has caused" replied Jorgen

"I still have no idea what Cosmo did that's so bad" said Timmy "I wish this story was clearer"

_Ping!_

"Ha! Your wishing will have no effect on the proceedings of this trail!..or the quality of iEATfood's writing! But since you asked here's a conveniently placed flash-back!"

"Yaaaaaaaaaaay flash-back! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" squealed cosmo "I love flash-backs!"

_Earlier today_

_It was a beautiful day in fairy world and a not so beautiful day back on earth, so Timmy had wished that they could spend the day in fairy world away from his parents and evil babysitter._

_Timmy was lying on the fluffy cloud ground with his eyes closed enjoying the peace and quie-_

"_Hey! Hey Timmy! You wanna wish for something? If you gotta wish, I'm your man, er fairy! So…" said Cosmo "need anything?"_

"_Um ..no no I'm good"_

"_you suuuuuuuuure?"_

"_Yup, pretty sure"_

"_Oh ok"_

"…………………………………_."_

"_Well, I'm bored!"_

_And so Cosmo floated away in search of fun. 'Finally' thought Timmy and started drifting of to slee-_

"_Timmy?" it was Wanda this time._

"_WHAT?"_

"_Where's Cosmo?"_

"_He said he was bored and flew away"_

"_Oh dear he's probably getting himself into trouble"_

"_Hmmm yea why don't you go look for him?"_

"_Okay I will"_

"_Good riddance" Timmy muttered._

_Cosmo fluttered near the giant star radar in the middle of fairy-world "ooooooh"_

"_Cosmo?" Wanda poofed up next to him "what on earth are you doing?"_

"_I was just wondering what would happen if I do this!" Cosmo touched his wand to the giant star_

"_NO COSMO! YOU IDIOT!"_

_BOOM!_

_End of flash back_

"Weeeeeee! Wasn't that neat!" Cosmo giggled

"NO!" roared Jorgen "it's not neat! Now I have to think of a punishment for you sniveling fairy, thinking hurts my muscular head!"

Jorgen opened up the fairy rule book entitled 'da rules' the book had never failed him, and started thumbing through it

"Hmmmmmm stupidity stupidity HAH here it is! Cosmo! You will be exiled from fairy world so you can cause no further harm to your fairy peers!

"You can't do that!" said Wanda

"Yes I can, it says so here. Rule 347" Jorgen held the book open to show her.

It was a picture of himself scribbled in crayon with caption "JORGIN CAN Do AnYthiNg hE wAnts"

"Um, did YOU draw that yourself?"

"eh oh, no i-did–not , I-have-no-I-idea-where-this-marvel-of-artistry-comes-from" said Jorgen in a dead pan voice

"its horrible."

"NO! ITS ART!

"haven't you ever heard of guidelines?"

"……..what?"

"anyway you can't throw Cosmo out just like that! You have to give him a chance to prove he's not that stupid!"

"Look Wanda!" said Cosmo, arm in ear "I can poke my brain!"

"Erm…"

"Hmmm, fine then Cosmo will have his chance" Jorgen's wand started glowing "Cosmo! As your last chance to PROVE that you're not an idiot…"

"b-but I am an idiot!" said Cosmo worried

"SILENCE! ..Your powers will be taken away and you will live on earth as a normal boy child, if you can succeed in making one miserable child happy IN A WEEK! Then you can return to you fairy god parenting duties IF NOT you will stay that way FOREVER!"

_Gulp! _Cosmo did not like the sound of that.

And then Jorgen poofed him away.


	2. day1: of rain

(authors note about the authors note) the author's note's at the bottom of the chapter, so are. Footnotes! YAAAY !

ps: due to fanfiction bieng all crappy i changed the astrixes for the foot notes to numbers

Poof!

He found himself on a crowded city street, wearing a green t-shirt, adorned with a yellow smiley face, and black jeans, he felt his head for his crown, it wasn't there just a yellow beanie cap with propellers, he whirred them distractedly for a second before the calamity of his situation registered in his pea sized brain "NO MAGIC? OH-NO! I CAN'T FLY, I CAN'T POOF, HOME I-I CAN'T POOF ME UP SOME PUUUDING!"

passer-bys didn't pay any attention to the screaming green-haired boy, except to wonder why his parents would let him dye his hair that color.

After the screaming came the crying. Still no-one noticed, no-one cared, no-one hugged him like Wanda used to, no-one told him to shut up like Wanda used to.

Eventually he got bored of his own display of self pity and wandered off.

Behind him in an alleyway, someone glared at him, eyes glowing in the darkness.

he walked around aimlessly, staring at a hobo for several minutes before moving on, looking through shop window and "ooohing" about nothing much, not used to walking he tripped over his own shoes several times, he also narrowly escaped being eaten by alley cats and formed a small monkey- worshiping cult(1), you know the sort of trouble Cosmo gets into when left to devices for to long, as time passed he lost himself deeper and deeper in bowels of the city, soon he found himself in a dark ally.

"hello?" he leaned on a trashcan, a rat jumped out of it startling him he fell backwards yelling, the rat glared at him and scurried away "whew! it was just a mousy"

then someone grabbed him from behind.

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

"oh will you shut the hell up!"

"huh?" Cosmo looked behind him to see a familiar face, it was very familiar, in fact, it was his, except that his attacker had blue hair and was wearing a monocle.

"anti-Cosmo?"

"indeed! It is I! your malevolent counter-part! Anti-Cosmo! Evil genius!"

"um yea.. could you stop choking me?"

anti-Cosmo let him drop to the ground with a thud. Cosmo got up and asked "what are you doing here?"

"isn't it obvious?"

"erm……no."

"oh poor poor dim-witted Cosmo! (_Cosmo in the background _"that's me!") hasn't it occurred to you that everything that happens to you effects me as well?"

"but I thought it was in a, like, opposite way…right?"

"not recently, no, certain circumstances has caused a change in our conventional way of living, it seems"

"circus-stances?"

anti-Cosmo sighed "do you remember when your figigliegland was on the frits, and the only person available for transplant was me?"

"um…maybe?"

"do you remember that idiotic doctor? Rip studwell?

"do you remember cheese?"

"what? No! I mean.. yes! But.. WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING!"

"I like cheese! "

"-- indeed you do..any way as I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted… "

"I also like pudding!"

"AS-I-WAS-SAYING! The stupid doctor got the transplant wrong! I don't know what organs he switched besides our figiglieglands but I find myself becoming more and more 'you' and less and less 'me'! do you know how frustrating it is to be PART STUPID! And earlier today I was magically whisked away from my latest hide-out(2), where I was plotting my latest evil plan, (ha ha!) ,to this less than shining metropolis stripped of my magic and in this weak human child form" anti-Cosmo spread his hands wide to show his weak human child form, he was wearing a white shirt and a grey sweater-vest(3) with black pants and matching shoes "and who did I spy at that moment, stupid enough to cause this ..mess?" continued anti-Cosmo "you. screaming your head off like an imbecile. I find it safe to assume that your ungainly ways have finally got you in more trouble than you can handle and you have seven days to redeem your self to fairyworld or else!"

"how do you know that?"

"I'm a genius!" anti-Cosmo boasted proudly(4)

he wrapped his arm around his more idiotic double's shoulder "so have you found a miserable child to make happy yet?"

"um…what?"

"don't you remember?"

"I'm still trying to figure out how you remember!"

anti-Cosmo glared at him.

"ok ok I'll try" Cosmo concentrated harder and harder and remembered:

A PENGUIN DANCING THE MACERENA!(5)

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

his anti-self hit him on head, hard.

"ow! Oh yea! 'Your powers will be taken away blah blah blah normal boy child'" Cosmo tried to quote Jorgen "'If you can succeed in making one miserable child happy ..nn ..in a weak…blah blah blah if not you will…blah blah .. stay that way FOREVER! _Gasp! _Forever! I can't stay like this forever! I might never see Wanda again! Waa! hold me!"

"DON'T TOUCH ME! YOU BLUBBERING IDIOT!" anti-Cosmo recoiled from the anguished little once-fairy boy, but he apparently he couldn't get away fast enough cause soon Cosmo's face was buried in his vest, sniffling and sobbing something idiotic about pudding,

"would you, please, let go of me!" Cosmo didn't listen, hugging him tighter around the waist and sobbing louder.

"um…?" anti-Cosmo patted Cosmo on the head reluctantly "there there..?"

no response.

Anti-Cosmo got fed up and grabbed a handful of the green-haired boy's hair trying to pry him off.

"look! crying will not remedy the situation! Our only solution is to act fast and find unhappy child as quick as we can and bring some light into his dejected life. Then you can go back to being an idiot and I can return to plotting the demise of fairy world as you know it!"

Cosmo let go of him and grinned widely, his past misery completely forgotten "oh boy! Lets go!"

they walked for hours observing little kids to see if they were truly depressed and moving on when the child proved otherwise.

"I can't believe I'm saying this" said Cosmo "but I wish there were more sad children around" he stared at a little girl, getting a present from her parents and laughing, and frowned.

Anti-Cosmo smiled maliciously "we could.. make them miserable?" he grinned.

"I don't think that's allowed"

anti-Cosmo groaned "such a waste, at least this can't get any worse"

lightning flashed in the distance and it started to rain.

"aaagh! I can't believe I said that! 'can't get any worse ?' that's a lure for all sorts of bad luck! I should know that's my niche! Only an idiot would say that!" he turned on Cosmo "this is all your fault!"

"peachberry" said Cosmo.

"what!" yelled anti-Cosmo on his last thread.

Cosmo pointed at a building. the words 'peachberry orphanage' barely visible in the rain.

"ah! Perfect! You know it is said there's no greater loss for a child than the loss of his parents, of course I wouldn't know my parent despised me"

"that's sad" replied Cosmo, without much feeling, walking past him, in a hurry to get out of the rain.

They made their way to the orphanage while it was raining buckets

horrible weather noted Sophia while gazing out the window Sophia peachberry ran the orphanage a job she had inherited from her mom who inherited it from _her _mother it was a hard and tiring job that enjoyed nevertheless she was the kind of person who felt warm inside just knowing that she helped somebody.

She was smiling to herself thinking of the children sleeping upstairs and how much she loved each and every one of them when she herd a knocking at the door.

'_who could be out in this weather?'_ she wondered getting up to answer the door.

It was two little boys, about ten years of age, soaking wet in the rain, they had the exact same faces with bright green eyes, one of them was wearing a monocle and had blue hair, the other's hair was the same color as his eyes. She stared at the colorful pair.

And they stared back. Minutes passed.

The blue one elbowed the green one in the stomach.

"oof! Oh yea!" said the green haired boy, smiling " we. Don't. have. Any. Parents." He said it as if he was reciting it from memory.

"can we come in?" said the blue haired one.

"oh? OH! of course!" she stood out of the way to let them in out of the rain. Then she started fussing over them, ushering them to the fire and asking them questions.

"what happened to you kids?"

"er.." anti-Cosmo tried to think of a reasonable answer.

"what were you doing out in the rain?"

"um.."

"are you twins?"

"what! Um oh yes twins.." he glanced at what was now his brother, Cosmo was grinning at a badly-drawn picture of a monkey, presumably drawn by one of the orphans, pinned up on the wall.

"what're your names?"

"erm…"

"Cosmo!" Cosmo chirped "and he's anti-Cosmo!"

she gawked at them. "um my those are …strange names for little boys like your selves"

" that's cause we're not little boys we're fai-" anti-Cosmo's hand clapped firmly over his twin's mouth "mm-mmm-mmm!"

"ignore him he's an idiot"

" that's not a nice thing to say about your brother. Now why don't you two change out of those wet clothes I'll get some dry ones"

now **that** was an uncomfortable thing for her to say, thought anti-Cosmo, no-one had told him to change out of his clothes since his wife had gotten over exited after his wedding, thank goodness he managed to talk her out of that!

Sophia walked out of the room, anti-Cosmo removed his hand from Cosmo's face "mm…and pickles"

"listen Cosmo" anti-Cosmo pulled his brother close " do not and I repeat do not mess this up, don't say anything about fairies, or pixies, or any other magical creatures just act like a normal ten year old child, capish?"

"crepe?"

anti-Cosmo sighed, this was going to be a long week

miss peachberry came back carrying crisp dry pyjamas.

"oh you haven't changed. You'll catch your death of cold, here put these on"

after they reluctantly changed she took the upstairs to the boys dormitory, the orphanage wasn't very big, anti-Cosmo noted, there were very few children and lots of empty beds

"alot of kids were adopted last year" Sophia explained "now why don't you two get into bed, you look like you've had a long day"

then she left, closing the door slowly behind her as not to wake the children.

she really shouldn't have bothered since they were all acting, they had been in the middle of a pillow fight when they were interrupted by the door opening and quickly took 'I am innocently sleeping' positions.

Now they were all staring at the new comers, in that creepy way kids do when confronted with strangers, one of them threw a pillow at anti-Cosmo who wondered briefly if this was some form of greeting, Cosmo picked up the pillow, smiling, and asked: "hey are you guys having a pillow fight? Can I join?" this appeared to be the accepted response.

"hi, I'm Andrew" said the pillow thrower

"neat!" said Cosmo throwing the pillow back "I'm Cosmo I like cheese pants!"

"cheese huh? that's cool, I guess. Who's the dork?" Andrew threw the pillow back.

"that's my ..uh ?"

"twin" anti-Cosmo prompted

"yea twin! Anti-Cosmo the dork! Hee hee!" he smacked what was now his twin with the pillow.

"that's a weird name." another child stated "were you guys in a band or something, you have funny colored hair"

"Conan!" said Andrew peeved "you don't just tell people that their weird, they already know, idiot!" he threw a spare pillow at Conan "that was Conan he's an idiot, over there's jimmy" Andrew pointed at a dim looking boy in the far end of the dormitory "he's an even bigger idiot"

"hi" said jimmy. Cosmo threw a pillow at him "I'm an idiot" he informed the boys.

"ok" said Andrew happy that the introductions were over with "if you wanna pillow fight we have to split into teams, how 'bout this? smart kids vs idiots, hey dweeb you and me can be the smart kids"

"I'm not playing." Said anti-Cosmo.

"fine then!"

Cosmo and the rest of the orphans waited for Andrew to reach a new decision.

"EVERYBODY VERSUS THE DWEEB! GET 'IM!"(Cosmo in the background: yaaay!)

"hey! Ow! Stop it! Get away from me you bohemians!"

back in dimmsdale, Timmy was trying to sleep but to no avail, he glanced at Wanda in her goldfish form swimming back and forth in the fish bowl, Timmy could tell that she was as depressed as he was.

"I can't sleep, not without Cosmo here." Said Timmy "can't I wish..?"

Wanda sighed "no, sweetie, you can't wish anything that will interfere with the councils decision, it's the rules, in fact Jorgen said you can't wish anything Cosmo related at all, or he'll never change Cosmo back into a fairy, ever"

"that stupid Jorgen! why's he always such a jerk?"

"I think he's just mad because most of his house was burned down, it's my fault actually I should've been watching Cosmo more closely" she sighed again feeling dejected

"its not your fault" said Timmy trying to make her feel better.

She smiled weakly at him.

"in fact, I'm sure he's doing just fine! he'll be back to granting wishes in no time!"

'_yea right'_ he thought.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(1)it had two members, Cosmo and the earlier mentioned hobo

(2)the janitors closet at the back of Mc Sparkles :p

(3)sweater vests , less than a sweater more than a vest!

(4)he's lying, he read the newspaper, how he could read about the results of a trail before it happed is the real mystery (actually I'm lying, he would've guessed that Cosmo was the cause of the explosion, and seven days is a well known magic number

(5)IN 3D!

(a/n) I dunno how real orphanages are run I've never been to one, so excuse me for any mistakes concerning miss peachberry and the others


End file.
